After a torturous journey on what I should write next. I came to a conclusion. Write the thing I am running way from fastest and hardest because that’s the one.
So, I am writing the ancestor generational book as I like to call it. I started it on January 1st of this year — 2015. I wrote some more on January 10th and haven’t touched it again until today. But, in the meantime, I wrote, edited and proofed a nonfiction book, Making Dollars & Sense Work. So, I guess I wasn’t slacking…ahem. But, you and I know very well that while I was still writing that in-between book was to give me room to “work” while still running away.
My subconscious mind at play trying to run away while I stay still and…do no writing.
So, my first step was to review my outline and make sure I have it at the forefront of my mind what I am setting out to do. I have a full outline of over 6 pages. I know what the story arc is and the major emotional and plot points. But that’s the scary part, some of the emotional beats are not quite what I want them to be. My writing mentors, Jacqueline Lichtenberg and Jean Lorrah, have helped me to flesh out the reasoning behind the actions in the outline. Jean specifically said my subconscious was feeding me all the right beats but my brain was misinterpreting the whys and the motivations making the story muddled. So, Jean helped me sort that out. However, she made it that much more scary for me to write it out. Why? Because the emotional arc is overwhelming to me as a person.
So — I ran.
But, my second mother asked me if I was writing. Answer: NO.
A new tweep asked what I was writing. I gave an evasive answer about promoting my new book just published last month.
A new comment on my About page encouraged me to keep writing.
Are you sensing the pattern here??!?
Yes, I am slow but goodness. Not that slow.
This meant write. The what was easy when I looked at it. What am I running from? The why was not so easy but I get it.
So, I write this AM. Revised what I had and added 486 words. Went to my counter Excel doc from my last book (finished in March, mind you).
Pasted it over, like I’ve done several times before. The damned thing DOESN’T WORK. What the hell?!?#@_!!?
Try it again. Same problem. I enter my word count for today and it gives me a negative number! A message? Nope. Faulty formula. Which my brain cannot fix right now. It seems tracking my word count as diligently as I used to is not something I am supposed to do for this book. I am to write it and let if flow. I don’t need to know how many words I’ve done. I don’t need to obsess over how I’m doing. It seems this book does not have a timeline.
Actually, this book was already a book that I published in 2012 but it was the wrong POV character. I pulled it down and revised the outline and realized a character I have showing up in the middle of that other book was the POV character in actuality. That was 2012. It’s 2015. Timeline? What the heck is a timeline?? This book clearly has its own emotional arc. 🙂
So, yes. My Excel counter is broken and I will not attempt to fix it today, tomorrow or any other day. I will just feel out how this book wants to be tracked. All books are different. This birthing is difficult. We’ll see how this book-baby will emerge. It will probably be many moons before this one’s born.
Have a very bookish week!
Ta-ta for now.